Thursday, June 19, 2014

Epic Arm Wrestling! Jesus vs. Elvis For the Crown.


      For a little over two thousand years Jesus and Elvis were locked in an epic arm wrestling battle! Caught dead in the middle both opponents would gain mere centimeters and than get pulled back to center by the other. Once in awhile Elvis would say "Cmon man!...." out of the side of his mouth. Jesus would reply "Father why have you abandoned me!". Sweat poured off Elvis' head soaking his rhinestone jumper. Jesus' robe was well drenched and knotted. The floor was littered with betting tickets tossed aside by the spectators who had given up on the outcome long ago. Those who remained argued amongst each other with such passion that the contenders became invisible to them.

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Robot Jesus and the Isle of Lesbos.

                                               Robot Jesus and the Isle of Lesbos.

     Robot Jesus woke that stunning morning feeling fully charged! Even his carberateur felt squeaky clean! The lesbians who owned the bed and breakfast where he awoke had done a great job with the farm. There were pots for catching the rain water, wildflowers, fennel, garlic, onions, and tomatoes. A dog named Tickle who liked to be tickled. Also a hi tunnel greenhouse, french press coffee, and of course the Lesbians. Robot Jesus was fond of the one with the big tits and a beard!
     The constant fresh breeze began to make Robot Jesus feel human again so it was time to leave the Isle of Lesbos The main Lesbian asked for help with driving as she was not familiar with our highways. Shes British so she does everything the wrong way around of course!

My dear Lord,
     Don't let us worship you like a robots, increase our ability to live as you lived, to love as you loved, and to sacrifice as you sacrificed. Thank you for all of your blessings, for we are royalty, blessed by the King of Kings, the King of Peace, the King of Glory!
Pray for me my Brothers and sisters can I get an......

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

I am no different than Bowe Bergdahl

Dear Heavenly Father,
     I don't know much about anything. If this Blog offends you, I am sorry, I am actually trying to celebrate you and our relationship. The way you always encourage me. Bless me. Carry me. Try to convince me that I am your very son. When was the last time that I delighted you? When was the last time I just blew you away? I know it hasn't been lately. I have been reduced to just a shell of the man I used to be. There are people who try to convince me that you do not exist. In many ways I am the traitor that walked right over to the enemies camp and made myself at home. But you traded five of the enemy for me to return to the Kingdom. Thank you for my freedom, and keep me from evil and the hands of those who now hate me. I will always tell the truth. My Father and his Kingdom do exist. I love the Lord my God, and this is the way.

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

whose your Master?

                          I have learned so much from my master in the last few days.

"Put a full suite of armor on!" I assume that means now since ive always just prayed for it and have never been told to do it! My biker buddy Dan is master.

We were sitting at a campfire and Big Tanya says, "Well special Ed looks like your the chosen one, you have to make the sacrifice, someone has got to do it. Glad it was you". Big Tanya is the master.

Being afraid of the dark is normal and "o.k." We can learn to get over it. Its obvious he has been my master since day one, my Grandson. He also sees something I dont, and it scares him.

"In order for a tree to reach Heaven the trees roots have to touch Hell". Sometimes the stars are my master!

Its better to sit quietly and listen without saying anything at all. My Son after all is master of all.


"All the world loves you, but you are nowhere to be found. Hidden and yet completely obvious".
                                                                        ~ Rumi

If you are lonely and need advice or your own masters try the following links:

or email the absent minded guru at

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

I lost a lot with you Mr. Blog, I hope its worth it.

My Dad called me specifically to hang up on me. He mentioned something about perverted, stoned, and lazy Jesus and than hung up. And yes he still has a phone that can be hung up apparently.

I lost a job I didn't even get to start. Apparently my blog posts were too offensive. Specifically
"No porn at my house". Hey, at least I wasn't in a porn!

And most importantly I lost my belief that I live in a fair and free country where you can speak your truth without repercussion.

"Now some folks they wait and some folks they pray
For jesus to rise up again
But none of these folks in their holy cloaks
Ever took billy on as a friend"-J.Prine

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Rejection. Just Ahead.

Rejection is a common off ramp on the Long road home. You will find yourself there many times. Best thing to do is take a piss, wash your hands, get back in the car and drive. Just after the last rejection sign you will see your final destination the one you have been traveling these many miles for. It is there and it is beyond anything you could have ever imagined.