Organizing my triumphant return!

I was telling one of my best friends about
             what I have been up too lately. "You know I put up
                       a post on Match.com to find my MARY MAGDALINE. I asked
                                 for a woman to believe in me when nobody else would, and who
would wash my hair and not mind getting called a whore for the rest
 of eternity even though she is a nurse. And some lady actually
          answered the add and sent me a picture!"

             Than I told him "I went on craigslist and advertised for some fisherman or dock workers.  Serious relationships only men searching
                             for men. This aint gonna be a casual thing you know.  Again I was looking for faithful men who would follow me wherever I went would organize the funds, make travel arangments and don't bail on me when the going got tough!" Guess what? I got responses to those ads too!

We were having a good time with the whole thing. We laughed and shared our thoughts. How I would have too answer every questions with a question and teach mostly in story form. If I get accused by the authorities of anything at all just turn there own words back on them. We had some more laughs until my friend said,,,YEAH ED, THATS GREAT BUT YOU KNOW WHERE THE STORY ENDS.

What if God was one of Us?

                                             June 15, 2004
                                                          Las Vegas Nevada

JOURNAL ENTRY

     After handing out gospel slips, praying, wrestling with my anger, loathing about being broke out in the 110 degree Vegas heat we walked into a casino and I could hear it over the din of the slot machines; they were playing that song. "What if God was one of us?" It poured out of somewhere high in the casino ceiling as if the angels themselves were singing it to us. It was really actually a sublime moment. What was even more sublime is that my than wife realized it too and looked at me with a bashful second of belief in me as if she was doing something she shouldn't.

                                                        

April 29, 2014

Kalamazoo Michigan 

 a decade later

I don't know what happened to that man Lord. Did the Universe finally give up on me? Did I give up on me? I am a tired old man, my lungs hurt from abuse, my eyes burn all day, and I am all alone.

                              June 16, 2004 Las Vegas Nevada

                         looking back to my old self for answers

JOURNAL ENTRY

I am ready now the time is now. I am determined to do the will of my Father to the death. I know what my destiny is now. Its hard to believe it. But I'm starting to get the Idea. The amount I believe and have faith in God is the same as I must believe in myself. Because I am.

I am totally defensless unable to help myself. But therein lies my defense. I rely completely on the lord.

Christ Complex Support Group

CL>all community>support groups

Christ Complex support Meeting (Kalmazoo)

Do you feel like your the one everybody is waiting for? Nobody understands you? The first thing you do at a funeral is try to bring that person back to life? When you visit someone in the hospital you wave your hand over them in an attempt to heal them? Well, you just might have a Christ complex, and this group is for you. No need to RSVP, I already know your coming and Im sure you already know when it is.

• do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers

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I am perverted, lazy, and stoned Jesus.

"The rules of love, they really are severe. If you're giving up everything for something, then GIVE UP EVERYTHING FOR SOMETHING and stay with it with your mind on where you're going" -Joseph Campbell, Goddesses: Mysteries of the Feminine Divine

 

 

Burning down my House !

Its one of those dreams I have had frequently. Do you ever have one of those? The same theme running through your dreams as you sleep? I used to have  a different one as a child: Someone would push me in a pool and than put a lid on it so I couldn't surface and breath. It didn't stop me from going in water.

                                    

 Lately the theme has been my own house burning down.

Smoldering and crackling the black soot billows away from me in the other direction. I haven't a care in the world as I stand there on the roof top and watch for shooting stars. Falling timbers, the destruction, and the hissing and screaming wood are pleasant music. I visit with friends, drink a little coffee, share a laugh and feel the warmth of my house burning down.

                              

 Its not my house but it is.

DON'T GO TO CHURCH!

Don't go to Church to praise me: I'd rather you find me in the street bruised, stinking, rotting from the inside out pushing a shopping cart. Look into my bloodshot eyes and say you love me.



Don't go to Church and bend down on your knees: Go find the person you need to apologize too even though it wasn't your fault, and than get down on your knees before me.



Don't sing to me in Church!: Go to an old folks home find a sick, tired, and lonely old man and than sing to me.



Don't put your money in the basket!; Go to the nearest welfare office and give it too me there Ill be the one standing in line before it opens.



Don't go to Church and call me great things!: Go find the person you have judged most, and call them great things.

I went the distance. Now I need you to go the distance!

Royal

"Since love is loyal, it purchases one who is loyal: it has no                  interest in a disloyal companion."

-RUMI

BREATHE!

Breathe out.............all of it, every last bit. Let it go. Send it away from your body. Spent. It is no good to you anymore and with it send any fear and darkness too. You have no use for them anymore. Don't stop until there is nothing left, push. Now you are ready to be re-born.

BREATHE!

DRAW IT ALL IN! THE HOLY SPIRIT, WHITE LIGHT, LOVE, JOY, HOPE, OPPORTUNITY,   GOOD HEALTH, FORTUNE, BLESSINGS, FORGIVENESS, MERCY, PEACE, BREATHE!

                            

Blood Red Moon.

 I am ancient

from a distance.

I am newborn.

Sex. Love. Sex. Love.

Apocalypse.

I love to be worshiped

How is that any different

than

you?

Panic

It wasn't even that late at night but it was night. My wife and I had been shopping and were chuckling about something as we worked our way through the parking structure. My breath quickened as I noticed the three men in hooded sweatshirts stalking around in the shadows. I pulled her close to me but knew that it was hopeless. They circled around us and closed in, I just kept repeating " We have a kid just don't hurt us!"

      One of them snickered. "Oh no, you ain't getting out of this alive!" Doom of dread washed over me, I felt the blood drain from my feet and a ball a phlegm lodge itself in my throat. This wasn't just about robbery, for them it was playtime.

More

Didn't want it than

how was I to know

empty seats in the picture show

scattered tickets on the floor

Didn't get what they comming for

wait there's more

always more

please be more

Surely there's a few of you

still lurking in the dark

wait! what happens next?

you can't  get over it

Thought that hero's always won

Thought that lovers get there one

wait there's more

always more

please be more

Goodnight.

 "In the name of Adonai the God of Israel:
May the angel Michael be at my right,
and the angel Gabriel be at my left;
and in front of me the angel Uriel,
and behind me the angel Raphael...
and above my head the Sh'khinah"(Divine Presence).

"Praised are You, Adonai, our God, Ruler of the universe, who closes my eyes in sleep, my eyelids in slumber.

May it be Your will, Adonai, My God and the God of my ancestors, to lie me down in peace and then to raise me up in peace.

Let no disturbing thoughts upset me, no evil dreams nor troubling fantasies.

May my bed be complete and whole in Your sight.

Grant me light so that I do not sleep the sleep of death, for it is You who illumines and enlightens.

Praised are You, Adonai, whose majesty gives light to the universe".

    

Two Eds aren't better than the One.

                                                  I'd love for you too love me while I wrestle with me. Excuse me while I indulge myself with myself. I could save the world if only I could separate myself again, like before. Both salvation and damnation spew forth. I am half the man I used to be if half the man I used to be were all the man you ever wanted me to be. Hold my hand Brother and run West. Take my other hand Sister and run East. Don't stop until you have rended me asunder! Run! Run! Until what is born of the stars bursts!